Is marriage and fate pre destined?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear brother Burhan,
I have today read your email regarding Fate and predetermined will. Please let me know about the merriage, is it also predetermined. Actually i am in love with some one else. Can i do any thing in this matter or should i rely on fate. Mean while please also let me know if i can meet that person alone before merriage for one time and what is way in islam to send proposal for merriage.
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Is marriage and fate and pre determined?
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
The Majestic Creator has bestowed two things upon man (and Jinns) which He has not bestowed upon any amongst His creation; and thus involved him in a test:
Intelligence or the Power of Reasoning
A ‘free will’ to choose whatever path he wishes to follow in life
Whoever, with the bestowed intelligence recognizes his Lord and Creator, and of his own free will chooses to follow the path approved by Him will be shown Allah’s Mercy and Grace. And Whoever denies his Lord and Creator, and of his own free will chooses to follow any other path than the approved path of the Lord, he will deserve the Wrath and Anger of the All-Mighty Lord.
Because the All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord has involved man in a test for a short period of one life, He has allowed man for this limited period, to choose his path and do deeds as one pleases. It is indeed true that Allah Subhanah, knows exactly what each individual will do at every stage of his life, but that is because He has Perfect and Absolute Knowledge of everything of the past, present and future.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 6.474 Narrated by Ali ibn Abi Taalib
While the Prophet (saws) was in a funeral procession, he (saws)
picked up something and started scraping the ground with it, and said,
"There is none among you but has his place written for him either in the
Hell Fire or in
To fulfill the requirements of the ‘test’, man is permitted to use his intelligence and do deeds as he sees best for himself; and for this test of one transitory life, there is absolutely no compulsion upon him. The ‘fate’ or ‘predetermined will’ is no more than the Perfect and Absolute Knowledge of Allah Subhanah, whereby He Knows Perfectly well what each individual will do at every stage of his life. If man was compelled to do deeds according to ‘fate’ or the ‘pre-determined will’, then it would not constitute a fair ‘test’ for man and could not be held accountable for his deeds!
When one is seeking a suitable partner in marriage, the guidance given by Islam is that one should use his intelligence and power of reasoning, and seek to marry a partner best suitable to him/her for the life of this world and the Hereafter.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman, (otherwise) you will be a loser."
Thus, although Allah Subhanah Knows exactly who will marry whom in His Perfect and Absolute Knowledge of everything in existence; man is under no compulsion. He has to use his intelligence and power of reasoning and choose the partner that is most suitable for him for his life in this world and the Hereafter. The Messenger of Allah (saws) guided the believers to overlook the transient and short-lived aspects of wealth, and beauty, and lineage when seeking a partner in marriage; and choose a righteous religious woman if he indeed wanted to be successful in his marriage.
Your Question: Mean while please also let me know if i can meet that person alone before merriage for one time
There is absolutely no harm in Islam if the person seeking marriage wishes to meet or talk to the prospect, provided the woman is accompanied by her guardian or male mehram for her protection and safety. The Messenger of Allah (saws) strongly advised that a non-mehram man and woman should never meet alone and in private, for the Shaytaan would then get a chance to entice them to transgress the boundaries of Allah Subhanah.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab
The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a (non-mehram) woman, the Shaytaan makes a third."
Your Question: and what is way in islam to send proposal for merriage.
If one is satisfied with the prospect and seeks to marry the woman, he must do the righteous thing and approach the guardians or male mehrams of the woman and ask for her hand in marriage. With the consent of his own parents or guardians, there is absolutely no harm if the man approaches the guardian of the woman himself, or sends his parents, or sends his proposal through any honorable third party. It is the right of the girl and her guardians to then investigate the proposal and either accept or reject it.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.'
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,